i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
