what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
