She said her name was "party"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
