I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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