How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
now i know why i became what i already was.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
