just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
