alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
