what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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