the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Still dying that you shit outside
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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