Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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