I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
