you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
