His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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