I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
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