i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This baby is an asshole
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
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For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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