You're so nebulous sometimes
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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