He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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