i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
