am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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