If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
