Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
