Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
