Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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