my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
