Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
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I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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