1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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