it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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