Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize