you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
