Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
