what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize