Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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