We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
