I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
