The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize