I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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