ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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