Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
