Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
