I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
