I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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