It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
