I'm passing your future prison.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
