I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
