i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
