Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
