I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
