Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
