i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
