this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
