thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
