I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
