all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
