I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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