Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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