Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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