Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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