shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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