Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
