Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
