As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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