perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
