Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.