Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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