My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness