you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?