i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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