it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
