I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
