I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I need water and some morals
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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