I want to have your abortion
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
