Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
