Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
