some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So. Much. Porn.
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