I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
