Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
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Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
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The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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